Sunday, July 24, 2011

three socks on rotation

I am back now from my holidays in Donegal. It was very enjoyable. However I made the considerable mistake of bringing only three single socks. This was an unfortunate accident, I fully intended to bring more socks, but forgot. I also brought 2 pairs of shoes but when we arrived it appeared that actually I had only brought 1½ pairs of shoes. This was also an unfortunate accident but one which matched my three single socks quite spectacularly.

I feel being on holiday permits certain extensions to the boundaries of one's normal levels of personal hygiene, particularly regarding clothes since doing laundry isn't much of a holiday activity. So I just wore the three socks on rotation, allowing each sock an airing period of 24 hours on the metal chair outside every third day. On the second or third evening when I took off my left shoe, I noticed there was a mark on my sock, like someone had used it to wipe their nose before I had put it on. "I don't believe it," I thought, shocked, "the dirty blighters..." wondering which member of my family had used one of my three only socks as a tissue. I took off the offending sock and placed it on the metal chair outside that night, determining to dip it in the sea next time I wore it.

The following day I pulled on my 'most fresh' sock in its place. That evening, I took off my left shoe and found to my utter horror that my sock had once more been sneezed on without my noticing. Everyone maintained it wasn't them. I chose to ignore it. All three socks were getting rather pungent as I'd tramped though a few too many bogs and piles of seaweed. I gradually lost track of which sock was the original offender, but I did notice that all three seemed to have a sort of phlegm-y film. This was deeply upsetting. Someone was secretly sneezing on my socks.

On maybe the eighth day, as I was taking off my left shoe I thought, "that is really funny that the mark is in the same place on all three socks". I thought to myself ,"I wonder...?" and then I said it out loud too, quite dramatically like I was on TV, which I do sometimes when I'm on my own - usually when I'm cooking - "I wonder...?". I looked in the shoe and saw that actually there was a whole dead slug stuck in it. Which had presumably been Resting In Peace there for at least 5, possibly 6 days without my noticing.

So I put on a wash. There are limits.

No comments:

Post a Comment