These are some Christmas cards which i made because it is Christmas time. I got them printed, so if anyone would like to buy a set, let me know. It is €7 for a pack.
Envelopes are included; they are made of pure gold.
No they aren't, they are made of paper, but they were constructed by actual elves.
Once, around Crissmiss-time my little sister Martha broke her leg or dislocated her knee or some such thing, whatever it was required a full leg plaster cast. She was very young, so the plaster cast on her leg was tiny, and she had these two baby crutches, which i can only assume were constructed by someone in the crutch factory as part of an elaborate prank (dear god! observe my tiny crutches! i must have become enormous in my sleep! etc.)
Anytime we had visitors, Martha would be summoned, propped on the table and forced to say, "God bless us, everyone" and we would all laugh, at which point there would be a freeze frame on our gleeful faces and the credits would roll, wishing our viewers a non-denominational Happy Holidays. In the hilairious sitcom which will inevitably be written, in which we will all star.
Also, last night I dreamt about what I would have for breakfast. It was watery scrambled eggs and raw bacon and a whole baked bulb of garlic. When I woke up I could taste garlic in my mouth.
NOT EVEN JOKING.